lady gaga says her least-favorite rumor about her is that she's from yonkers. hilarious! that's how i feel when people assume i'm from massachusetts!
omg gaga. i love you so much. why do i not have enough money to watch you perform? WHY???

this made me LOL:

great question/answer in dan savage's sex advice column:

A question in the spirit of the season: Can zombie sex ever be consensual? Because I think if confronted with a zombified Zac Efron, I might go for it if he were properly restrained. Can you teach a zombie a safe word? Does it count if it's "braaaains"? It's not necrophilia with the WALKING dead, is it? What would you say is the sexual morality of this situation?

Hope In Zombie Zac If Ethical

If you'd seen Zombieland, HIZZIE, you'd know that a hot person, once transformed into a zombie, isn't hot anymore. A pretty girl falls asleep in the arms of Zombieland's nebbishy hero and awakes as a thoroughly hideous flesh-eating monster. Even a zombified Zac Efron—I'm going to resist the obvious joke—would be too repulsive to fuck. Think of the gore, the viscera; think of the Axe body spray.

As for the morality of the situation, fucking zombies is still necrophilia, technically speaking, but practically speaking, it comes closer to bestiality. A human being who has been zombified is nothing but an animal, hungry for brains, incapable of thought, much less consent. We can kill animals for their flesh, but we mustn't fuck them, HIZZIE; we can kill zombies for wanting our flesh, but likewise we mustn't fuck them.


bee tee dubs, zombieland was the shit, yo.
best movie of the year, hands down. i smell oscar!
no but really, kids, i loved it.

not like any of my nyc peeps read this shit, but i figured i'd give it a try.
i've always wanted to have a felicity-style nyc friends-only thanksgiving, and this year, my mother has so kindly invited the despised ex step father and brother to thanksgiving, and while that's annoying enough, my sister won't even be there to collude with, so i figured... yeah, it's felicity year.
is anyone out there without t-day plans? anyone far away from home? anyone have to work and just want to eat something delicious (assuming i don't burn down my kitchen)? please let me know. i think it could be fun. i'll cook the turkey and you guys bring the sides?
it's just so nyc!

alexander mcqueen may have overtaken jean-paul gaultier as my favorite designer.

check it

three words: twelve-inch heels.

obama won the nobel peace prize and we bombed the moon...

everything is working out just the way i planned.

Mayim Bialik
Famous for: Her role as Blossom Russo on the popular '90s TV sitcom "Blossom."
What's she doing now? Bialik, 33, has had a few TV roles since her time on "Blossom." She went back to school and earned her Ph.D. in neuroscience from UCLA in 2008. She's now a spokeswoman for the Holistic Moms Network.

what?! neuroscience? man, i am not doing enough with my life.

the zombie movie i was in, "rising up," is playing for free through the month of october here. you guys should definitely check it out. it's so totally good. it might even be the best half an hour of your life.

omg. i met guy gonzalez, a male sex worker from the '70s and '80s last night, and it reminded me about my quest to get health care for strippers and get prostitution legalized. i should really get on that. i think it's kind of important. guy has this line in an article he wrote about times square in the '70s and '80s where he said, "It was a conservative conspiracy—making Times Square wholesome. To me, wholesomeness—especially in the Times Square area—that’s what’s disgusting." i completely agree.

here are my thoughts about roman polanski, since everyone seems to be so aggro about him:
this happened a long time ago
he's a genius
i don't care about kids

take THAT, puritans!
anyway, the punishment is kind of ridiculous, i think, and let's not forget, he's a genius, and he hasn't committed any similar crimes (or any crimes at all for that matter) before or since this one. obviously, it was a slight lapse in judgment. could happen to anyone.
point is, i think this is all a little excessive and they should let the poor bastard live out the rest of his days in a non-extradition country and keep making amazing movies.

that is all.

friends, i want to be lady gaga for halloween, because i'm, like, pretty much in total love with her. i was thinking a long, straight white wig with straight across bangs and either a crazy dress (i have one in orange that i used to wear to clubs in college) or something like this.
i only wish i had the money to buy these things... i'm poor!

i think my favorite show on adult swim is superjail.
that is all.

oh my god, i am so tired. i miss israel and isaac and daniel and rebecca and yasmin. i looked up volunteer opportunities in israel, and there are a bunch at zoos both in jerusalem and in the desert. i want to go to there.

israel was amazing. i plan on going through the itinerary day by day, but who knows when that will happen? i'm sad to be gone, but happy to be home.

guys, this was a tough week, but i got through it, and now i'm sad it's over.
if you missed this play, you might as well end your life now, because you'll never get to see something as beautiful as what we did this week.
we're kinda great.

this week has been really hard for me, guys, and it's not getting any easier.
the nightmares have started... not the scary ones, obviously, but the ones that make me wake up with tears in my eyes.

the play is going fabulously, however, and while i'm on stage, i'm able to forget all my troubles, forget all my cares, and go downtown!

kids, i've been betrayed, lied to and disrespected. i'm angry and sad, and i feel incredibly stupid.

thankfully, there was hilarious and angsty karaoke to turn my frown upside down.
hot and cold was yelled to
liz phair showed me i'm not alone
and all the girls reminded me that lady marmalade is kinda great.

right now, i can't sleep. i've wandered back into angry town.
something tells me i'm going to end up passing out on the couch while watching cartoon network.

here is one of the many reasons i love new york city:

it's so hard to live here, and you go through so much BS every day just to get where you're going that when good things happen, no matter how small, they really make a huge impact. you really APPRECIATE them.
i mean sure, yeah, i guess it'd be nice to live in a place where everyone is laid back and you get free food when you look a little hungry and the sun is always shining, but really, guys, don't you think that would get boring after a while? you just wouldn't appreciate how good you've got it. all that sun shininess would just be lost on you. probably, you would crave adventure or some shit and go live in a cardboard box just to see what it would be like.

let me tell you a story.

on sunday, i was on my way to meet salmon oyster at the michael's in queens in order to buy stuff for the costumes for CatCotE (which you should totally come see, bee tee dubs). i had just reached by stop on the J line (woodhaven blvd), when i got a call from salmon, saying that he was lost or some shit, and i just decided to go to michael's alone and get the stuff. no big deal. probably better, because i wouldn't have anyone there to shoot down my genius ideas.
so off i go on foot, making my way to metropolitan, where michael's is located. on the map, this walk seemed not so bad. it didn't seem short by any means, but i figured it was about a 15-minute walk. no big, right?
wrong. it was somewhere around 3 miles, and guys, it was fuckin' hot outside. after a while of going downhill and thinking about what it would be like to make the return trip uphill, i decided that i would ask the cashier at michael's (if i ever got there) for directions to a closer train.
well, kids, i finally got there, did my shopping, and was checking out, when i asked the cashier how to get to a closer train. there was a long conversation about buses and which train was closer and all this stuff, and i was starting to get visibly confused. just when i was starting to lose hope and thinking about just walking back the way i came, the woman behind me in line said, "i don't want you walking all the way back to the train in this heat. if you wait for me, i'll drive you."

YES!

it was just so ridiculously nice that i was giddy about it all day. i told anyone who would listen. it really lifted my spirits!
i know that in amherst, where i went to college, i never would have thought twice about asking a stranger for a ride, because it was the kind of town where people just give rides to strangers all the time, but back then, i didn't appreciate the kindness behind such a gesture. those people were willing to give rides because the danger level was relatively low. the people they were giving rides to were just students or hippies or reiki healers or some shit, so there was pretty much no chance they were going to kill them on the side of the highway. same thing the other way around. in nyc, the danger level is pretty high. you never know who anyone is. even if they look totally nice, they could be totally terrible.
example: one time while waiting for a train, a nice-looking man carrying a briefcase and wearing a business suit started talking to me about directions and stuff, and then the conversation veered toward his insane coke addiction and all this other shit. he was like, "i make six figures, but i sniff at least half of it up my nose."
now who would expect that? nice, well-dressed man... totally fucked up. divorced, living in poverty because of his drug addiction... you get the point.
i could have been that crazy man, and that woman still took that risk to give me a ride.

guys, it was beautiful.

guys, do you like funny podcasts? well, i do, and here is one: you look nice today.

it's three guys hanging out and talking about stuff, and they're pretty funny. i laugh a lot.
anyway, you know, you should listen to it.

hey, dudes. wanna hear a cute story about my cat?
OF COURSE YOU DO!

so i was sitting on the couch, watching tv, listening to the soothing sound of birds chirping outside. my cats were sitting on the windowsill behind me, and all of a sudden, i hear this clicking noise following each bird chirp.
i turn around to see my little girl cat, cammie, back arched, tail twitching back and forth, chattering her teeth. each time she heard the bird chirp, she would chatter out the chirp with her teeth, like she was trying to lure it to her, so she could eat its face off!
it went kinda like this:

bird: chirp chirp chirp
cammie: click click click
bird: chirp chirp ch-chirp chirp
cammie: click click c-click click

HOW F-ING CUTE, RIGHT?!?!
have you guys ever heard of cats doing anything like this? i have had many cats in my day, and i have never seen this particular behavior!
i wanted to tape it and put it on cuteoverload.com, because really, guys, it was pretty much the cutest thing ever. however, the minute i took out my camera, cammie got a bit shy and stopped chattering.

friends, i cannot stress this enough. it was totally cute. i'm in serious love. serious.